It’s time to be honest about your needs and values
We live in a society where we’ve become accustomed to surface level interactions and dialogue with regards to our health and happiness. We start every other conversation by asking one another “How are you doing?” and habitually we respond with “I'm good” or “Yeah, I’m okay”. Or we have team meetings where so much goes left unsaid because our own issues feel unimportant or because we can’t quite find the language to explain why it matters to us.
So many of us have felt the only option for survival is to simply create coping mechanisms that allow us to exist within systems which were not designed with us in mind. We’ve developed reflexes that allow us to gloss over the conflicts in our values and needs in order to maintain peace and consensus. But the current climate is forcing us to have those conversations that we’ve needed to have for so long.
We can use this as an opportunity to develop a clearer shared understanding of what we all value and importantly need in order to thrive in life and work.
Build your emotional literacy
When we fall into a routine, our behaviour and dialogue becomes habitual, and in turn we lose sight of or ignore the emotions that are driving us. With emotions running high now is a good time to practice how we check-in with what we are feeling, identify what’s driving our emotions and find the language to communicate and describe what’s going on for us.
Our rapidly changing emotions in response to the Corona Virus fall out gives us an opportunity to start going deeper with our human connections. Speak about your fears for yourself and others, explain your sadness and grief in relation to the things you have lost, share your excitement about having an excuse to do something you’ve always wanted to do, and express your joy when your child or pet cuddles up to you for comfort.
Learning how to identify and describe our emotional states will not only help us maintain clarity amidst the crisis, but it will also develop vital communication skills that will build resilience in our relationships for the future.
Be direct with your asks of others
There’s much that we could all be doing to help ourselves and others in this time. But each of us only has a finite amount of energy and time to share around. We need to create regular moments in our workplaces, communities and families to be clear about what we each need to survive this - whether that’s emotional support, physical support or financial support.
I’ve already started to see incredible examples of how people work together when they understand what someone needs. Friends who are prone to putting other people’s mental wellbeing before their own are standing up and saying “actually I need someone to listen to me for a little while”. People who have suffered for years with invisible health issues are speaking up and saying “I need you all to respect my life and my health”. Parents and carers who have bent over backwards to not let their care responsibilities interfere with their work are saying “you need to find a way to give me flexibility”. Small businesses and sole traders who have been operating on very modest incomes until now are saying “We won’t survive this unless people keep or start paying for our services”.
We all have unmet needs within our existing society/workplaces/communities, and now is the time to flip the system on its head. For so long we have bent ourselves out of shape to fit the status quo and the ‘norms’, but now we have an opportunity to bend the system to fit the people.
Stand by your values
As we explore our evolving emotions and speak up about our personal needs we must also remember to live up to, and stand by, our values. Now is the time to demonstrate what really matters to us all. As a business, a team or an individual it’s easy to espouse our values to others in times of stability. But when rapid change occurs we can often lose clarity on what we stand for, or see the stark reality of how quickly values we pretended to hold fall by the way side. Take a moment to remind yourself of what is that is important and meaningful to you, decide on actions you can continue to take in order to live by those values or make a conscious decision to let go of values that no longer hold true for you. If you’re working in a team you might consider using now as an opportunity to reflect on and reset your values together with a facilitated team workshop.
Hold space for conflicting needs and values
Romek and Mareen literally standing next to their team values
All of this might lead to many forms of conflict. Internal conflicts about the right thing to do by ourselves, our families, our communities. External conflicts about what we value as a team or society and what we want to put effort into holding onto and preserving.
When so much conflict is revealing itself on a daily basis it is important not to jump to the desire to put a lid on it, brush it off or resolve it too prematurely. We need to create space to unearth our conflicting needs or problems and examine them together with others in order to gain deeper understanding of how the differences are connected
Collaborate to build a new system
Through our coaching, mediation, facilitation and training we are supporting our clients and community to use this time to grow together and build a better future for everyone. Get in touch with us to find out more about how we might be able to work together.